Feb
Prior to anything else, what do we really imply by “How to discipline a child?”. I actually believe that the word “discipline” is an old fashion way to express a pleasant behavior in a little one with you and with other people. It implies the respect of the boundaries you’re attempting to set up within your family. That’s the discipline. Limits. Obey. Discipline. It sounds a little bit military to me. So what about love? What about relationships with your kid? Some of you may think “I can love my child and still set up strict principles he has to obey. Principles are essential, love is natural. It is different.” Well no. It is not different. It precisely has to be the same. I want to explain this.
My straight and clear answer to the question “How to discipline a child?” is this: Make your limits mean love. Do not separate the tender and playful moments you share with your child from the discipline issue.
Listed here are the 3 simple steps I want to share with you:
1. Ask your child what he thinks of the boudaries you set up. The reason why, for me, you’re making those rules. Then ask what he would be doing without these boundaries if he was alone. Then make clear that, as a parent, you are the one to know what is good for him and that the reason why you set up limits is merely because you love him and want the best for him. Without these boundaries, there would be less love. When you punish him, it is because you would like him to fully grasp what is right and what is wrong to ensure that when he’ll grow up, he’ll do what is good for himself. Young children can certainly fully grasp that.
2. When you say “no”, clarify what you say “no” to. At all times. If it’s a firm, justified and explained “no”, your kid will think it over and understand it. Without an explicit cause, a “no” can certainly seem pretty unfair to your little one. Give him the tools to understand your reactions and therefore his own behaviour.
3. Distinguish your little one from his acts. What I suggest is : always make pretty clear to your little one that when you punish him for doing this or that, it is mainly because you do not accept his behavior. This has nothing to do with the love you feel for him. You love him anyway. Be sure to tell him this truth. But it is his behavior that has to change. Little ones easily take a punishment for a lack of love. The love for your little one is obvious for you, not always for him. Give him a hug after each punishment to make him accept punishments as part of education and as a natural consequence to a bad behavior.
I do hope I answered “How to discipline a child?” in a way that will help you parenting your little one and give him all he needs to grow to be a responsible, caring and sensitive grownup. Of course, your situation may be much more difficult. If your kid is disrespectful and defiant for too long, you might need far more than these advices. What I would recommend is to apply a parenting method. That is what I did. Regardless of how difficult the situation is right now, you can solve it. Believe me.
If you’re interested, there’s a website created by parents for parents where you’ll find a selection of valuable parenting methods and reviews of each of them. The website is www.YourParentingHelp.com.
Good luck !
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